26 December 2007

Fashion No's

Everyone has their own set of fashion rules, their own standards of what is acceptable and unacceptable fashion-wise. Things they love, things they want to try but aren’t sure how to, and perhaps most importantly things they would never-ever wear. It seems like I’m always blogging about the things I love so I thought it would be fun to look at the things I would never-ever do. For instance, I would never-ever wear a pair of Uggs. OK, I admit out of pure curiosity I once stuck my foot into an Ugg. Once! And I’ll admit it was probably the warmest and coziest my foot has ever been. It was still not enough to convince me to wear them in public. Here are a few more things on my never-ever list:

Just Plain Ugly

There are some things that I just cannot bring myself to wear in public because they have been deemed just plain ugly.

Glitter on clothes, glitter on shoes, glitter on the body = tacky, tackier and tackiest. OK, there was that one time at a party where I may have tried some body glitter. But it was just that once and everyone was doing it! I swear I won't let it happen again!

Gaucho/stirrup pants
Do I really need to explain to you that the saggy crotch diaper look is just not attractive? And while I understand the practicality of wearing stirrup pants with boot so the legs don't ride up, there is just no excuse for the stirrups with heels look. The only pass on this one is if you are actually riding a horse.

I just don't like open backed shoes. I don't know what it is about them, but you'll never catch me in a mule or a clog or a sling-back. I guess sandals are the exception to the rule, but even then only if they are flat and it's still a rarity. And don't even get me started on wearing Crocs in public!

Never Go Back

There are a few things that fall into this list not because I think they are unwearable, but because I’ve already worn them - in the 80’s, the first time around. I know fashion is cyclical and all things eventually come back into style but I also think one of the hard and fast rules of fashion is that you should not revisit styles you wore the first time around. I’ll leave the new 80’s inspired fashions to the youngsters.

Bubble Hems
Certainly not the worst offender on the list, bubble hems can be cute in moderation. However, I distinctly remember the bubble hem skirt I was sporting in the 7th grade while wearing my walkman and listening to my Madonna "True Blue" cassette.

Jelly Anything
Shoes, bracelets, whatever - they're just a big fat no for me. They can work on younger girls, certainly, but since I can still picture the arm full of jelly bracelets (they were black with neon splatter paint!) I proudly wore while listening to the aforementioned Madonna cassette they are automatically disqualified.

Acid Wash
Again, not the worst thing in the world. I've seen photos of Scandinavian hipsters pulling them off with aplomb. It just comes back to that "never go back" rule. Of course mine had a drop yoke waist with pleats in the front and I tight rolled the legs at the bottom. And no, there are no pictures!

Too Damn Hip

I think one of the best rules to looking effortlessly chic is never looking like you’re trying to hard. To me, these things scream "Hey look at me!Look at me!"

The Head Band
Nothing screams look at me like the hipster headband. It is a completely excessive display of hipness. Hip-overdrive if you will.

I'm holding American Apparel solely responsible for this one. Sometimes I walk into that store and I'm practically blinded by the glow of greasy hipsters in shiny lamé. It doesn't matter in what form it comes. Skirt, dress, tights, jacket - it's all just too much!

This is a tough one. I'm oddly attracted to both of the pieces pictured here and yet I know I would never actually walk out of the house wearing them. They're just too loud. I'm more of a subtle kind of girl.

So - what are your fashion no-no's? What would you never be caught dead in?


Lady N said...

OMG - I actually love sequins, but only for a night out - not for day wear. And never too much sequins, one piece is enough. Why are those clogs so popular? I don't get it. And ditto on bubble skirts - they look unfinished.

Cheryl said...

You have my vote on bubble hems. I will never ever wear them too!

That Spoofy Kid Named Caty said...

Hmmm. Crocs are actually very comfortable, although I don't wear mine in public. Just around the house.

Heather said...

Haha, very honest and very true. I'm already over bubble hems.

I think I saw good glitter once: this weekend, in the beard of a Santa-like man working at Sephora who gave me insider information on where to find Bobbi Brown Beach for my mom.

Rhiannon said...

I'm so glad you feel the same way about open-backed shoes . . . they just never, never look attractive to me. Even if the front part was the cutest thing in the world. If it doesn't have something around the heel . .. no way.

I don't wear shiny/glitter/sequins either. Sometimes cute but totally not me.

Anonymous said...

No No's:

1. First and foremost, Crocs should be banned the world over. They are an atrocity to civilization, regardless of how "light" and "comfortable" they are. I would never, ever wear these, let alone be caught dead in them.

2. Something that needs to go: you know those black "yoga pants" you see lots of hussy-looking girls wear? They're pocketless, swishy in the calf, hip hugging in all the wrong places? They are generally accompanied by an oversized, fur trimmed, hooded Fubu jacket, some glittery t-shirt bearing "princess" across her sagging boobs and overzealous ponch, and lastly courting a right-out-of-the-box starch white pair of K Swiss basketball shoes. More often than not they've a knock off Louis Vuitton bag from Marshalls. Those pants... oh, that whole outfit has to go.

3. Flip flops are another crime against humanity in any setting outside a beach. The dirt pile next to the puddle in the park does not count as a beach.

4. Candy outfits. If you're not an adorable, fourteen year old Asian girl, please don't wear an outfit comprised of Starburst wrapper vomit. It's blinding, which is inconsiderate to the general public.

5. Brand new t-shirts with "vintage" washes, logos, branding, bands, quotes, etc. These need to be stopped, especially any new shirt with the international symbol for recycling on it. What an idiotic idea. If all the others stayed and only those disappeared, I could sleep at night. I can compromise.

6. Bows on anything were cute when we were six. Surprise, surprise, we are not first graders.

SJV, I love your blog so much I'm going to have to pick up a blogger account so I can comment more. Love from Oregon.

Anonymous said...

Oh I really like shiny leggins in black and I like bubble hems, so I can't agree here :).

But I totally agree with sequins, glitter, crogs und ugs. Also things I would never wear.

I think I never wear white peaked boots *brr* and I don't like the jeans in high boots look in the most cases... it reminds me of riding (but I have to say I wore that two times).

Candid Cool said...

my no nos: crocs, uggs, american apparel, and acid watch.

Anonymous said...

wow oregon girl is super catty!

In Yr Fshn said...

Leggings! I HATE them with such a passion. Also, those princess puff sleeves that seem to be on everything. C'mon designers--no fair. Some of us don't want to look like linebackers in dresses.

Kristin said...


But very true.

Nice blog!

sleepyhead said...

I like sequins - in moderation.

However, I absolutely abhor anything remotely shiny/metallic. Lame is a no-no and to me looks very tacky and cheap. I also can't stand cheap-looking prints/patterns, you know the kind that is always in Forever 21.

Imelda said...

There are lots of stuff in your list that I like. Like sequins, the baggy-pants (they look great with pumps), ...

Glitter on your body is just a big nono, but I think glitter on clothes might look good when it's not to obvious.
I don't like acid wash and I don't like stirrup-pants.

But those CROCS! Awww, I think they're just awefull. They might be comfortable (I don't know, never tried them), but there are lots of other shoes that feel good and look great at the same time.

Miss Woo said...

My big fashion no nos are flip flops. They are uncomfortable, they look ugly, and they make annoying flap flap sounds when people walk in them. Men in flip flop make me spew (metaphorically, but still.)

Sally Jane said...

see many of you don't like flip-flops. I'll have to mostly agree with you on that. At the beach is the only exception!

Anonymous Oregon - yes, please! Start your own blog. I could use more of your scathing commentary.

Thanks for all the awesome comments

Anonymous said...

I am afraid that I love bubble skirts, while I did vigorously shake my head to all the other items on your list.

My no-no list would be topped by jean jackets, which are done well so rarely it would be well conceived to just burn all of them.

Another qualm- people who consider themselves fashionable while wearing head to toe matching Juicy Couture (or, brand name of your choice) sweats. (Sometimes their clothes are even too large for them!!) They are still sweats, they still make you look lumpy, even if they have a shiny brand name plastered all over them. (I have nothing against sweats, they are marvelous and warm, but top and bottom matching textures irk me.)

Rhinestones. Enough said.

Agreed with Anonymous for 1, 2, 4 and 5 (Flip flops, well. I live in California.)

Diva said...

I think sequins were great before they became mainstream. Now that you can buy sequin tops and and everywhere it just seems a bit too trendy.

Anonymous said...

I agree with everything on your list.

My other suggestions are...

-low rise pants/skirts
-Gold outfits (American Apparel, GRRR!!)
-new clothes that look more worn in than thrifted clothing

Anonymous said...

Some other fashion no-nos that haven't been mentioned before:
1. Men in leather sandals. horrible!
2. Sport pants and heels
3. Minis with pumps and bare legs during the day

Anonymous said...

wow i saw bedazzled hats at a store in neon colors ala '92 i was wondering who would buy those!!